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  • Alex Robshaw

From my Kundalini Residency journal ॐ I need to be okay about being alive ॐ Part 19

The following words are directly transcribed from my personal journal


May 27th, 2021

I am definitely feeling more the embodiment of all that is. Today, I really felt the duality not being there anymore, or like, it was there but

no

No. Not.


So, it's like the voice that judges was weaker. I can hear the voice, but the gukta quickly puts itself in, and it's like no, things don't need to be that bad.


I was confused, I was confused. And that's part of life. And that's it.


No need to make things worse than they are. Life is life. No need to make yourself want to die.

*

I really want to be a musician. It's really who I am. Can I not be this duality anymore, for real?


It's working. The Kundalini technology, it's working for real.


The ego is never greater than the love of the beloved.


And maybe it looks a bit weird, as part of existence. Judgment as part of what makes life, as does so much else, and just be like Ok, yeah, sure. Be detached. Judgment's there, but don't let it take over.


May 28th, 2021

J's presence in my throat is making itself known a lot. I hope I can get rid of it. It's a;; about keeping on saying no to it.


Sat Nam - and it's my truth, and only MY truth.

My life.

Ma vie.

My truth.

Sat Nam.


Boundaries. Physical boundaries barricade mon cou, il n'entre pas. Plus jamais. C'est fini. Je m'en fous maintenant. Pu rien. Fini.

No one and nothing anymore will ever come in to screw me up and disalign me over.


I am ME.


Alex, elle, elle ne juge pas. Alex, elle, elle n'a pas peur, Alex, elle, elle ne fait pas mal aux autres.


May 29th, 2021

Sat Nam.

I make art I make art I make art I make art I make art I make art I make art I make art I make art

I make art I make art I make art.


Make the music I wanna make, Alex, and don't do it to please any fucking person.

*

I'm here to break the cycle of pain on either sides of my wall. You can't live a life carrying all this pain, Alex. Don't be like that. I am not a vessel for the pain of the people who brought me here.

*

I used to suck my thumb as a kid. I would suck it all the time. Stimulate the meridians. It felt good. Now I know why.


May 30th, 2021

Processing what happened today. An interesting process indeed. This is the first time the mantra actually chants itself inside (the mantra, not its translation).

The experience is ringing out, highlighting itself in my left back throat and brain, or more like the mind is trying to get into its old patterns of obsession -the mind and the ego- and the gukta just kinda brings the life experience or soul back to the right.

*

There is something about the living in scarcity, and choosing to stop. I live in abundance of financial stability and money. I always have more than enough money, always plenty to share.


This is a frequency. The frequency of abundance. No matter how much you can make money spells, if you're approaching them from a place of scarcity, you'll never be able to get what you are in due to receive, as your utmost self.

Alex, how about you choose to be rich now? There you go. I'm rich now.

This body feeling is quite something.

*

Just move on. Don't linger here, just move on. Kundalini clearing is what's going on. Life is good, awesome and fantastic as well.


Root chakra. Foundation stuff. The right home. Ongoing financial stability, eternal financial stability for me! Yes!

*

It's not about ignoring. It's about not letting it get to me. It's about not letting anything get to me anymore.

*

Yes, I fucking deserve this awesome living situation I'm getting into starting on June 16th, 2021. It'll be amazing!

*

People like him won't survive in the new world.


May 31st, 2021

Interesting: earlier, I was out walking, and listening to music and I started imagining things and the mantra of protection started playing itself. Daydreaming. I was daydreaming and Rakhay Rakhanhar started playing itself in my head, and the only thing I could do was starting to listen to it, and chant it along.

No, the truth is I was trying to chant it mentally to the rhythm of the song I was listening to (I think it was Das Alte Leid), and I realized I didn't know the words yet ( I can't even spell it right yet), so I had to change the track. And then I started chanting along.


Maybe there's something about daydreaming -it's not reality. Yeah. Maybe. Well, best to stay in reality anyway.

*

Root cakra stuff again. Left side body really wants to rule more.



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