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  • Alex Robshaw

From my Kundalini Residency journal ॐ I need to be okay about being alive ॐ Part 18

The following words are directly transcribed from my personal journal


May 24th, 2021 - morning

Just finished my sadhana. The mantra is really about having in become my very best friend. When I "look" down at my hands, I picture the words, and feel myself into the space where it's the mantra, my voice and me, and feel it as joy, infinite joy.


Today I chanted like une comptine, at some point, for a long time, and it brought me to that place of the simple joy children have of singing -the simple, easy, gleeful joy I had as a child, singing. It was great.


I was a bit more tired this morning and struggled to stay awake during Japji. I got through it though, had to move my body a lot


I really love doing the 11th body kriya, it's perfect to get ready.


I'll note just how much last night I had the English words of the mantra on repeat in my head and body. God and I are one, I am God, God and I are one, I am God, God and I are one -it was stellar!


I am feeling very good right now.

*

Om, le son que les étoiles font ensemble quand elles chantent à l'unisson.

*

Today, I saw myself in water -precisely, the water that was running from les écluses St-Gabriel in the canal. Mon esprit et mon âme étaient embrouillés, et j'ai vu l'eau, et je me suis dit toute suite Ouais, jme sens comme ça.

*

Loneliness.

And really, when I was chanting this morning, the mantra and me, we were best friends. I wasn't feeling alone at all.

Live the emotion but don't let it take over you. I can feel loneliness, but I am not that. I feel things, I am human. "I feel" creates detachment.

*

It's like the whole back-right side of my brain feels or felt conscience-less. When I say I love you to my child-self inside, it has to come from the right side of my brain. I don't know which voice it is, but it's the voice she needs to hear it from in order to clear.

On dirait que la voix, c'est la vraie moi? La voix de ma vérité?


May 25th, 2021

My practice was amazing today. I woke up around 7am. I did Ganesha and Laksmi mantras in bed, then the Sodarshan Chakra Kriya for 11 mins. I had breakfast, then got my period. I took it easy, had my Guru, read my textbook, took my shower, then settled for Japji. I only listened today and did restorative poses as it played. I let myself take it in fully. My head was covered. Then I started my selected kriya for the 11th body, allowing myself to rest in child when needed, and to be slow in cat-cow.


Then, when I rested, I listened to a Guru Ram Das chant. Then, I did 3x Adi Mantra (long chant), then the mantra Sat Siri Akal came to me and chanted itself through me. I chanted it 3x and wanted to move on, did the Mul Mantra 3x but my organism wanted to keep chanting the Sat Siri Akal mantra. I decided to chant it for 11 minutes. It was great. I felt perfectly fine to get into the Magic Mantra after and I did it perfectly! I've been feeling great since.


I am letting the experience unfold in me today, relaxing and letting my body shed and release.

*

There's no such thing as too happy. People are just so attached to suffering.

Pourquoi inventer, imaginer, croire au pire du pire? Ça sert à quoi? In my blood lies a lot of shame, a lot of limited perceptions of the truth.

*

The school next to the church like that. Right. Program. WRONG. GROSS.

I don't approach religion. I approach spirituality, because that's where people are free.


May 26th, 2021

We don't have to be musicians if we don't want to.

This is a new truth rising.

Sarah said what she said, and now this. It's the family trade, and we grow up in that, and we choose to follow, and everyone's like OoooOOooooOooooOOOooOoOoOooo, so I mean, at some point, we have to take our power back and be like, Ok, I don't have to do thi.s And I can say for myself that I don't wanna do it if it's gonna be like this. No, not anymore. Pay me a full salary, get me on tour all over the world, and let me just focus on being an artist. Those are my terms now.


I am no longer accepting anything lesser than what I deserve.


Woah. My whole left side (brain/throat/neck/face) is doing something. This is massive. The experience of deciding this in my body -there's a lot happening. Integrate.

*

I'm freeing myself from the samskara of my family. I need my freedom -and I'm taking it back.


I now stop accepting to be treated as anything/anyone lesser than a majesty herself, a queen, above space and time -a goddess, an empress, and the divine feminine herself.

I am God, God and I are one.

*

I was very pure for a very long time. But I longed to be wild. But I was also completely pure and could tame the wild. I just wanted to see what it was like.


Everything is a possible human experience, and it's certainly cool to get to see it all.

*

The throat area is where we surrender to the truth of who we are, for real. To the real truth.

I'm a musician on my own terms. The truth is I don't want the lie my parents had/have. I make my own music, I've got my own name, I do my own thing and that's it.


#kundalini #kundaliniyoga #kundaliniawakening #kundalinirising #kundailinijourney #kundaliniyogamontreal #kundaliniyogamtl #kundaliniexploration #freedomfromsamskara #samskara #shaktirising #magicmantra #sirimantra #sodarshanchakrakriya

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