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  • Alex Robshaw

From my Kundalini Residency journal ॐ I need to be okay about being alive ॐ Part 17

The following words are directly transcribed from my personal journal.


May 23rd, 2021

(morning)

I have just finished my sadhana. It was lovely. I naturally woke up at 3:27am. Got up by 4am and ate. I was hungry.

Then I listened, not recited, the Japji. I listened and read the meaning from the book, and I was better able to take it in and receive its healing, blessings, and protection. I'll be doing this as long as need be. I will not force myself to recite, I will let it happen naturally.


Then I did my kriya, and then recited the Magic Mantra. I did it for 31 minutes! Early on, when I started, my A/C went off for some reason. I stopped, turned it back on, and started again. Chanting the mantra with the correct mudra, at last (I wasn't doing it right before) changes the whole experience.


I felt like my heart was chanting the mantra, like in my hands was my heart with the words writing themselves on it. Like the words were continuously writing themselves in my hands, and like I was chanting/singing to the most beautiful, cutest, most precious little baby bird in my hands. I felt all of that, seeming itself onto each other throughout the experience.


I got really thirsty and would chant in my head as I swallowed saliva and water from my mouth and cheeks. I also got really warm by the end of it. Interesting.


The mudra definitely contributes to holding the steadiness of the reverence and devotion required to chant this mantra. That was my experience. I really kept my focus on chanting, and my hands, and the words. There were a few thoughts that crossed my mind, nothing negative, all just people, really, people passing by, and I let them in & through my hands, and out. The mantra pierced and filtered everything through light.


Now, I feel great. I chanted the Adi mantra (long chant), the Mangala Charn, the Mul Mantra and the Rakhay Rakhanahaar mantra, all 3x before, too.


I really feel great. I do wanna note that right upon waking up, I chanted to Ganesha and Laksmi, and that remarkably set me up for the day.

So, I'll keep approaching the practice as such for the next few days. All the love in the world to me for doing this!

*

I cried just now, a bit, in the shower. Just a bit, but heavily. I do miss being with him. And both "with" as in my relationship with him, and "with" as in being in the same energetic bubble with him. He feels like home.

*

Shame = pride = ego.

What is even shame? Who shames what for what? Shame the Church for trying to eradicate the Divine Feminine.

Getting rid of shame is like realizing that the whole of existence is perspective. We've been forced perspectives. Society isn't our truth at all, and yet it is, and that's why I'm here.


Women are not objects. Women will choose when and if and how they want to please a man. And why. And why.

*

Trauma as children.

Trauma as children.

Trauma as children is the one common denominator of all.


Children are born with a hope/spark/chance at purity. They are their own soul DNA imprint. Blueprint vs imprint.


But then children get traumatized. Can we avoid traumatizing children, or is trauma just part of life? Does everyone get traumatized? I think so, then, some more than others. Everyone should go to therapy. Some might get away with never going, others would need to go everyday so they can survive.


Maybe it's all about making it just a part of life as it is?

Can we readjust society so it takes into account how trauma affects people's lives?


#kundalini #kunaliniyoga #kundalinijourney #kundaliniexploration #kundaliniyogamontreal #kundaliniyogamtl

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