From my Kundalini Residency journal ॐ I need to be okay about being alive ॐ Part 16
Dernière mise à jour : 18 août 2021
The following words are directly transcribed from my personal journal
May 20th, 2021
We're all working on our value and on our worth as we settle ourselves in the Aquarian age.
The Piscean age valued the selected few. The Aquarian age values all.
We are all worthy of living a joyful life of celebration, comfort and ease, freedom and peace. We all deserve love.
Love is our birthright. Respect is our birthright. No one is worthier than another. We are all worthy.
This is very important. We're not letting anything pass anymore. What's happening right now is that people are aware of the consequences of what they're doing, what the impacts are on others.
May 21st, 2021 - Day 1 of solo sadhana
I did :
- Japji, 30 mins
- 11th body embodiment kriya
- 3x Mul Mantra, 3x Mangala Charn (6 times in total)
- 11 minutes of the Siri Mantra
I felt exhilarated at the end. I kept my thoughts to happy things and it worked, thought of my new apt, my friends, my love and my music contexts. Then I chanted to Ganesha and Laksmi.
The Mul Mantra is chanting itself in my head now, keeping me safe. I feel very happy and it makes the whole difference to naturally wake up and get into it. Also, AC keeping the room cool is everything as well.
We can experience being one with the Universe, but the integration is that is something else. Don't experience being one with the Universe. Understand what being one with the Universe/Nature/All means. Know this, and change. Act accordingly.
May 22nd, 2021 - Day 2
What is my perspective now? I don't even know what my perspective is anymore.
What do I want? I do activism for music because I'm not seeing enough people do it anymore, and it's gotta be done. I could also not do it. But that's bypassing, and also, it doesn't have to be me. It is important to me. More people will join this movement, this I know.
Ok so now, I wonder if I really should do it in the morning or if I'm just being too harsh on myself for doing it later today. Idk. I think I'm fine. I worry too much about it. First of all, I needed to sleep. I rarely sleep 9hrs like that. Body really needed it. My nervous system is doing fine, my entire organism is doing fine, at last. It was also really great to integrate my full morning sadhana and dinacharya together. It wasn't having 2 mornings. It was having one long morning to myself. It was fantastic to not open social media until so much later.
But the thought of my biological father was strong in me, and I was in that vibe, that anger, that pain. I can't be his daughter anymore. I can't be a daughter to him, for him anyway. Can I not have his name anymore? I could change my name. It costs 33.75$ to send a request online.
I could be Alex Robshaw. Ha. Ok. I am Alex Robshaw, now. Or Alexandra Robichaud. Idk if that's me more. I'm ok with the hassle. Changing my name means reclaiming my identity. Choosing to be my own person. My own self.
Robshaw is me, more than anything else. I guess I thought I could get married and just take the guy's name. But I don't have to wait for that to happen -I don't have to keep waiting- I can just change my name if I want to. Alexandra Robshaw is a great name.
I like being Alexandra, I wanna keep it. But I don't wanna be his daughter anymore.
Maybe that was the thought I shouldn't have thought. I shouldn't get into the practice being afraid of my own mind. I mean, then that's maybe what gets projected, idk?
I'm not afraid of myself. I'm in love with the person I am. I am my beloved. I am me, and I am fully embracing all that I am.
I'm gonna do a Clearlight class now.
That was exactly what I needed.
That's a big one: I'm not afraid of myself anymore. I'm not afraid of myself because I know there's nothing to fear.
All parts of me, all aspects of me, everything that I am is/are beautiful.
I love you ->I love me. Me loves me.
I wish I would have cut ties with him too.