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  • Alex Robshaw

From my Kundalini Residency journal ॐ I need to be okay about being alive ॐ Part 14

The following words are directly transcribed from my personal journal


May 10th, 2021

Today, I realized how I have 0 tolerance for pop music. My body and vibe felt completely off until we put on some Rammstein in the car. The second we did that, my body started sparkling. And even when that was all over and we were listening to Kittie, and then Deftones, and even the rock radio -there's an authenticity, a truth, to the essence of rock in all its forms where I feel complete truth. Even if the words are sad or pain, because they present truth. Life isn't all bubblegum -and especially back in the 90s, it was very important, what all these figures did. But yeah, the truth of rock and roll speaks to me a lot.


That's why punks are so wild. They're raising the energy all the time, jumping all the time.


Pop is fake. Pop culture is about fake culture. The culture/cultivation of fake, It activates the maya, the agenda of illusion.


May 11th, 2021

Watching Sikhs recite the Japji and cry in the meaning makes me feel so much less alone, now.


May 14th, 2021

There is this beauty to the sunset as it sets with you.


May 15th, 2021

This morning, I really felt the sad girl inside. She was destructive in terms of work. She was in this place of scarcity, trying to convince me I wasn't worth more than a mall or bad customer service job. I'm not.


I am a yoga teacher. I am a spiritual teacher This is my work. This is my life. I trust that and know that I have more than enough jobs available for me in that field when I'll need them, once the world reopens. Yes!

*

See, it's like there's always this little part of me that's always thinking there's something wrong. Nothing's wrong, nothing's wrong at all! Everything -my whole life- is always great, and always right!

*

Somehow, the direct experience/being/of the present moment is in direct relation with inner alignment, for me.

*

I'm done treating myself like shit. I'm done thinking I am anything lesser than who I really am.

*

Cannabis. It's not that it increases sensation as much as it lowers the fear of it. The fear of sensation, when I'm open like that, I allow myself to experience life much more easily.


May 16th, 2021

Purpose?

It was always about the message. Having the platform to spread the message. Musicians have that. Can -no- even it it's a small venue, musicians have that. And then music is my family trade, so I did that.


Why do you want to make an album? Because I want to make this art, create this art. Because I've received words from the goddess, words that must be heard, because humans need to heal so much.


The songs aren't about me anymore. It's words of the goddess.

*

I TRUST YOU I TRUST I TRUST I TRUST I TRUST I TRUST I TRUST I TRUST.

Ok so probably the rising is actually happening through the cakras for real, cuz yeah there was the pleasure thing and now this.


I can drive an entire band and crew to a worldwide tour. I have that force.


What is the agenda? Let's not have one for now. I'll do what I gotta do, I'm moving, we'll see. No need for any bigger plans that this for now.

*

Do I believe in imaginary things? An imaginary friend is not an imaginary story. I create stories. I didn't create the imaginary friend as a little girl. I was sad because I felt so lonely, without any friends, and I pretended I was talking to someone who was there. But I knew no one was there.


Was I ever crazy or did I pretend I was? There was pain. I didn't know how to deal. I was so rejected and bullied, because I wanted to speak up. I wanted to say things, answer questions, ask questions, participate, be nice. I just wanted to speak in my truth. Of course, the throat gets fucked up, but it's healing right now. My throat isn't fucked up anymore. I've been in pain, but I'm not associating myself with it anymore. I'm not letting pain rule my life anymore.

When that kid said it, I was like yeah, I was like that before, but I'm not there anymore.




#kundalini #kundaliniyoga #kundaliniyogamontreal #kundaliniyogaexploration


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