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  • Alex Robshaw

From my Kundalini Residency journal ॐ I need to be okay about being alive ॐ Part 12

The following words are directly transcribed from my personal journal


May 2nd, 2021

I am changed. I am changing. I am following a blind way. No, it is not blind. I am following a way, and it feels like it's the best, greatest way to take, and I know everything's gonna be okay -so great, in fact. Yes, everything about my life and me is about to become the greatest, most wonderful, amazing, miraculous, lovely, beautiful, marvelous journey, life, love and experience, and all I have to do is trust.


I was crying a lot because I don't know how this is all going to unfold and what's going to happen. I am realizing how I used to always find it very hard to trust blindly.


Control, right? I wanted to control. I wanted to know everything. I wanted to always have things under control, know everything, be prepared, always have a solution to everything, so I'd never be caught off guard, so I'd never have any problems.

If this doesn't work, I'll do that. That's how I used to be and think.


I am in controoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooool. That's the monster. The monster wanted to know when I'll die, the monster wanted to know what's gonna happen, the monster created a thousand stories in my head, always anticipating every possible scenario, always looking out for the worst. Like my mom.

My mom has that monster too, and it's made her do all those terrible things to me in the past.


Fear of the unknown.

I'm now grieving my fear of the unknown, and body now, or organism now is like wHaT? You're actually gonna not worry about the future? What? You're actually gonna not fear anything at all anymore? What? You're actually gonna follow this route that's completely in the fog with my heart as the compass? My heart and my intuition? Really?

Yes. YES! I WILL! YES! I AM!


I am realizing my heart's journey now. I AM realizing it. I AM achieving my soul's purpose and all of that is real! Real real real real real. All of that is truth, MY truth! For real! It is! Yes! So mote it be! And so it is for the good of all. Om.


I have made the first step on this journey by signing my new lease yesterday. And now, there is no turning back! I have made, engraved and set the ceremonial foundation stone of trusting this new path in the act of signing my lease!


I can only go up from here. Up on this brand new way of living my very best life! It's probably, maybe, it might be weird for a while, but it'll be okay. I'm fine. I'll be fine. I am real, and this is real, and isn't it fucked up how there's still inside me a little something that echoes in negative? But the Positive is the strongest thing, element, being inside me, the positive is my truth! I am joy, and joy is my name. Joy!


What happens when I am always joy? More joy! Live and release and be, OWN my joy! I own my joy! My joy is mine! I own my joy! I am my joy!

And I am saying this out loud right now, and my entire organism-soul-body-mind is vibrating, electric with joy! My joy is infinite and always here, and my joy is here to stay, forever, forever joy! Joy is me!

*

The dichotomy, the problem, is the judging of Shakti-Ma, especially inside. The more you trap Shakti-Ma, the more she creates illness within, because she becomes ill herself. Be healthy, let Shakti-Ma be healthy.


Alexandra, see the Goddess in yourself and devote yourself to her well-being, in your honour.


I love pleasure.

I LOVE PLEASURE!

I LOVE PLEASURE!


Shakti-Ma loves pleasure. Sacral cakra is restored to its original line. Sacral cakra is unbroken once more, fixed. Whole.


Don't be afraid to live and be pleasure, ok? Don't be afraid of pleasure!

DARE TO BE PLEASURE!

I AM PLEASURE

I AM PLEASURE

I AM PLEASURE

I AM PLEASUREFULL

I AM PLEASURE

I AM PLEASURE

I AM PLEASURE!


Things are happening very fast. The integration is demanding.

*

It's important to record here that I saw Ganesh's face massive and so clearly, before all that released!

#kundalini #kundaliniblog #kundalinijourney #kundaliniyoga #kundaliniyogamontreal #montrealyogateacher #mtlyoga #yogamontreal

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